Lonely-In-Love

Ben Johnson

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Blackout-Child of the Past by Lonely-In-Love, literature

Literature

Blackout-Child of the Past

So i'm sitting at work, balanced on the back two legs of my chair, when i sorta blackout, and i feel like i'm someone else, somewhere, and some-when else. I tried to write it in the first person perspective i had of the vision. (for lack of a better description) words in Italics and underlined are thoughts, not spoken words. I stand before him, noticing things with heightened senses i'm not used to. My brain picks up sights, sounds, and smells faster than i'm prepared for. He stands motionless, yet i can sense movement. I see his breathing, hear his heart beat. His eyes shift as he notices my confusion. where am i? I blink, and he's

Self Preservation by Lonely-In-Love, literature

Literature

Self Preservation

Using distance as a shield, to keep myself protected, And sage from a love, so lethally injected. Trying not to fall to far, and wait for surities arrival, To keep at least partially apart, just as a matter of survival. Walls and barricades offer a false sence of security as i hope this love achieves true longevity. Waiting for the moment i can stop trying to stay strong and praying when it comes the choice I've made isn't wrong. Love isn't enough, i've heard, to make things succeed. But it's a start, a beginning, to what we want to achieve. Love is worth the effort, the cost, or so i've always thought, worth it to achieve so

Half-Life by Lonely-In-Love, literature

Editing The Past by Lonely-In-Love, literature

Sorrow and Shame by Lonely-In-Love, literature

Literature

Sorrow and Shame

I'm helpless, hopeless; but noone knows this, I'm fighting just to stay alive. I just can't get over the love of another, Can someone please tell me, Was it all a lie? Take this love, and bury it deep, Hide it away so noone can see. Letting it show, brings nothing but grief, We were a promise that you just couldn't keep. Take these chains, off of my heart, Shackles of pain, but they won't come apart. Abandoned by love, divided by fear, but i have to admit that i still want you here....

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Brother's, All The Same (P1) by Lonely-In-Love, literature

Literature

Brother's, All The Same (P1)

We are not bound by blood, We don't share a last name. But we don't need family ties, To say we're Brothers, all the same. You wouldn't understand us, You shouldnt' even try. If we're apart for thirty years, We'll be brothers till we die. I know him better than myself, I'm sure he'd say the same. We have our own reality, We play in yours like it's a game. Can you understand the concept, Of being willing to die? To give your life willingly, To keep your brother alive? Can you understand the feeling, Of knowing he'd do it too? That in a moment of time, He would give his life for you? I just don't think you can, But her

Brothers, No More(Brothers P2) by Lonely-In-Love, literature

Literature

Brothers, No More(Brothers P2)

I don't really know what to say, It all changed so fast. One day we were close as brothers, The next it was all in the past. I just don't understand it, He doesn't seem to care. How is a friendship of five years, Suddenly just not there? We said we'd always be there, Through thick times and thin. These days we don't even talk, He avoids me like sin. What happened to friendship, And Brothers, All The Same? I'm still not sure what happened, Or who deserves the blame. It used to be that i'd die for him, As i knew he would for me. But if i needed his help now, Would he still be there for me? I don't know for sure, But it's

One Nation by Lonely-In-Love, literature

Literature

One Nation

Fire and smoke, tears and screams A day dawning in terror for parents and teens. Two symbols of pride, reduced to rubble, Hundreds of lives, popped like a bubble. A nation proclaimed "We shall stand tall." "We shall retaliate." Rage coursed through us all. Sorrow and sadness, anger and rage, Brought to a boil by the cowards of the age. Two towers have fallen, One Nation shall not. Many heroes have risen, gaining glory they hadn't sought, Helping to save lives, hoping it wasn't for naught. Under watchful eyes, One Nation slept. Under smoky skies, A statue wept.

Un-Sung Heroes by Lonely-In-Love, literature

Literature

Un-Sung Heroes

My friends are my family Holding me here Giving me hope For one more year they don't know Couldn't begin to guess That without them My life would be a mess If it weren't for them I couldn't be here Couldn't take this life No longer is death something i fear My parents are useless They don't even care My mother full of self pity And dad's concern is very rare I hate coming home To this place I call hell School is a blessing Until the last bell I have to go home To go through it again If life is a nightmare Is death waking up? My friends don't know Couldn't begin to guess That without them My life would be death Yo

My So-Called Life by Lonely-In-Love, literature

Literature

My So-Called Life

My life is a joke I feel like I'm worthless Everything is my fault How could God be so thoughtless? I have to escape this black empty shell This void of anger that I call Hell I feel like I'm trapped Like a rat in a cage Like eating a bullet Just to end this rage My friends don't know My family ignores They don't understand Just walk out the door I can't accept it Can't stand it anymore I can't feel the pain as I'm hitting the floor Everything is black, just like my life I have to accept this, I don't even feel the knife...

From Now On by Lonely-In-Love, literature

Literature

From Now On

There is a darkness inside me A veil I cannot pierce It sucks in the light, and gives nothing back A black hole in my soul A scar I cannot heal This place is my sanctuary My haven of peace The darkness expands I see nothing but black Rage bubbles up Peace shatters around me, The shards stabbing my mind Pain fills my world A scream tears my throat, An animal sound Years of pain and hurt, echoing around I let it build up, I kept it inside But I am full now, With a pain I can no longer hide Distrust and Betrayal stab at me like knives, Daily I wish i lived other peoples lives My emotions are gone, all but love, rage, and h

A Love Lost by Lonely-In-Love, literature

Literature

A Love Lost

Lifes a Bitch And then you die We've heard it before It's not a lie You try to win To do your best Try not to sin To pass the Test Nobody cares Or even tries To help you out When you're left with despair When you're all alone And ready to end it Remember me and our love as you left it I was always there Always willing to try To make you laugh when you we're ready to cry Remember me and the love that we lost Remember me and the price that it cost

Fear by Lonely-In-Love, literature

Literature

Fear

My fear is a grave Buried deep inside me I keep it hidden So no one can see As hard as I try It will never leave I want to tell someone I want to speak But that too is a part of my fear Buried so deep It forces its way up A threatening flood And I wonder if next time I will be so strong As to keep this flood down Down where it belongs Or if next time It will open the grave And flood my mind Or if I'll survive the flood One more time

Hurt by Lonely-In-Love, literature

Literature

Hurt

Day turns to night And darkness is spread Looking into the past is useless And our future is dead Behind your eyes I see nothing but pain and hate I'm sorry for your anguish But this was ordained by fate There's nothing I could do I can't lie any longer I would take your pain into me If only I were stronger I wish you no ill To torture your soul I'm sorry I hurt you For this was not my goal

My Love by Lonely-In-Love, literature

Literature

My Love

My soul is broken, It is shattered, the pieces scattered. Floating around me, these pieces reflect Not light, but life, The life I have come to regret. Like the eyes of a demon, the pieces stare back Anger and hatred, my mind going black. I run from them all, trying to find, Some hold on sanity, in the darkness of my mind. I turn a corner and slow, Finding myself in a warm comforting glow. The darkness recedes, The eyes turn away, Your forgiving warmth keeping the demons at bay. I have found my hold, and sanity is certain, For your love parts my darkness like a curtain. You are my sanity, my hold on reality. You are my love,

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The Five by Lonely-In-Love, literature

Literature

The Five

Strength- Having the ability to overcome the obstacles in your chosen path, not always physically, but emotionally and mentally as well. Honor- Doing what you feel is right, whether others approve or not; or whether they'll ever know you did. Perseverance- Not allowing yourself to fail or give up in the presence of those who would wish it, or out of it. Courage- Not the absence of fear, but doing what needs to be done even though you may face your greatest fears in doing so. Fortitude- Keeping ones presence of mind and continuing to function in the face of pain, be it physical, mental, or emotional. The Five.. These five qualities are

The Five

Lonely-In-Love

About Lonely-In-Love

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Artist // Literature

United States
Deviant for 18 years
profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=9314292
He / Him

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My Bio

Current Residence: Holts Summitt, Mo
Favourite genre of music: Punk, Rock, Rap
Favourite photographer: Robert Mekis robertmekis.da.com
Favourite style of art: Surreal
Operating System: XP Home
MP3 player of choice: Windows Media 10
Shell of choice: What's a Shell?
Wallpaper of choice: Louis Royo's Fallen Angel
Skin of choice: bah......doesn't matter
Favourite cartoon character: FOAMY THE SQUIRRELL(the lord and master)
Personal Quote: Old habits die hard when you can't seem to stop, cut again, begin anew, and the blood begins to

Favourite Visual Artist

Boris Valejo, Frank Frazetta

Favourite Movies

Save the Last Dance

Favourite Bands / Musical Artists

3 Days Grace

Favourite Writers

Tie, Edgar Allan Poe, and Robert Jordan

Favourite Games

Everquest II

Favourite Gaming Platform

Xbox

Tools of the Trade

A Pen, a notebook, and a quiet place in the woods or by the ocean.

Other Interests

Reading, Martial Arts, Computers, Writing,...hmm...that's about it

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Lonely-In-Love

Jan 3, 2008

Please Read

0 min read

please read and critique my BLACKOUT submission, it's my first attempt at that sort of writing.  Thanks everyone

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Lonely-In-Love

Oct 31, 2007

Epiphany

0 min read

In a not-so-random conversationwith someone on the subject of suicide, i've come to an epiphany.  I've always thought of myself as strong.  I struggle on my own, even if asking for help would make things easier.  I fight my own battles, win or lose my own wars.  I hold five ideals sacred, that the very idea of suicede mocks.  Suicide is weakness.  Suicide is forfeit.  Suicide is Surrender.  It was like running full speed into a brick wall.  It seems so obvious, why hasn't this hit me before?  I need to re-orient myself.  I need to find again what it is to be ME, and live by what i know to be right.  I want to be able to honestly say that i no

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Lonely-In-Love

Oct 22, 2007

A lesson in futility....

0 min read

Once again back to the place where i feel like i'm useless.  Again, feeling like no matter what i do, or how hard i try, nothing will ever work or be enough.  And more sad, self-pity laden journal entries no one reads, but it's ok, it's for me, not you.  Why can't love be easy?  Is it selfish to want to be the most important one for just once?  To want to be loved as much as i love?  Selfish or no, it's what i feel.  To just once, honestly believe that i can fall forever, and not worry about hitting the bottom....but i can't.  No matter how good things seem to be, there's always a pitfall ahead.  Things i can't control like having the money f